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Monday, December 28, 2009

Wordplay



I'll talk about Christmas later.  By 10 a.m. the 26th I was back to working, my partner's out of town and left me with a plate brimming over with work.  Sunday and today were no better (at least we got to ride on Sunday), and the rest of the week looks formidable.
Sadly, I failed to stop the auction of a client's house today.  It's not my fault, I know, but I feel bad that I couldn't convince the lienholder to hold off another couple of weeks, at least.  FAIL.
Then I got this in my email and it brightened my day.  I love words, I love our language, and I love a good pun.  Enjoy!
******************************************************************************
       Two Lists of Definitions
       For the most enjoyment........read them aloud with a friend.
Don't miss the second list at the bottom.  It is even funnier
.

       Here is the Washington Post's Mensa Invitational which once
again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by
adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new
definition. Here are the winners:

       1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders
the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.


       2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.


       3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts
until you realize it was your money to start with.


       4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.


       5. Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that
stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately,
shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.


       6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the
purpose of getting laid.


       7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.


       8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and
the Person who doesn't get it.


       9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running
late.

       10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra
credit.)


       11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all
these really bad vibes, right?  And then, like, the Earth explodes and
it's like, a serious bummer.


       12. Decafalon (n.): The gruelling event of getting through the
day consuming only things that are good for you.


       13. Glibido: All talk and no action.


       14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter
when they come at you rapidly.


       15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just
after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.


       16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets
into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.


       17. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a
worm in the fruit you're eating.

       The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions
to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate
meanings for common words. And the winners are:


       1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.


       2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight
one has gained.


       3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat
stomach.


       4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.


       5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.


       6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when
wearing only a nightgown.


       7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.


       8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.


       9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who
has been run over by a steamroller.


       10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.


       11. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.


       12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by
proctologists.


       13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.


       14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with
yiddishisms


       15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul
flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

       16. Circumvent, n . An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn
by Jewish men.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Focus and lack thereof

Since my last post I've taken pictures and written in my head new posts.  Why aren't you seeing them?  Because my pictures wouldn't post, so I had a hissy fit and went away.  In this two-week span I've been ill, ridden again, ignorred an elephant in the room, and generally worked my patootie off in real estate.  I could write a book on that but I'll spare us all the gory details.   Suffice it to say that if it were easy, everyone would do it.

Last weekend we took a spin on the tandem and decided to train for the Solvang Double Century, March 27th, '10.  We love the Central Coast and its roads, but my desire to repeat the Century has waned big time after last year's underwhelming, crash-tastic, boring food-supported ride.  After on-line discussions with people who've done this double, and our own research, we committed to the Double.  Training and lifestyle changes begin 1-1-10.  I'm excited to have a new goal.   Chris is convinced that I'm trying to kill him for the insurance money.

My curiosity about what I can do on a bike parallels what I can do in my career.  This year I've written more offers than ever, and 90% of them were rejected, through no fault of my own or my partner's; it's just the buyers' circumstances v. the status of the properties they're offering on.  The market is shifting; prices are inching up slightly, and the all-cash buyers are calling the shots and getting the properties. 

So after being beaten up this year (and I haven't even addressed our listings and how the banks are abusing us) I need a new challenge, something that inspires both fear and hope in me.  A double century does that easily.  The Solvang Double retraces some of the roads we pedaled on our Epic Ride from San Francisco to Santa Barbara (read all about it at www.justaguyonlifesjourney.blogspot.com), as well as some of the century roads.  We know the area well, and have friends there as well, so we have options if we want to quit the ride.

So far I've not bailed on a ride. Not for thunder, lightning, rain, hail, or a broken wrist.


What's scary is that I'm already planning for 2 more doubles...Triple Crown, here we come.